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HORROR QUALITY DIPS: Vampires (part one)

I remember the good ol’ days, when horror icons and characters were still viewed with the cringe of a brow, the shuttering of the eyes, and a racing heart. It’s exceptionally unfortunate that these generations of moviegoers are reduced to watching sappy, appalling, and outright offensive delineations of what true horror fans have come to love so dearly.

Does anyone remember when Vampires, Zombies, and Werewolves were petrifying? When the subtle movements from a cluster of the undead, mixed with a stomach turning score would make you sit at the edge of your seat? Or when the fangs and religious undertones of vampires would give you the need to possess a crucifix wrapped in garlic and dipped in Holy (tap) water? Even if you aren’t an ecstatic fanatic, the truth is, there has been a tremendous dip in horror, and an over saturation on television, which is making the category so “house-hold” that it is slowly losing its effectiveness.

Vampires: “Remember when they Ate you, instead of Date you?”

“True-Twilight-Diaries-Blood

There are three types of vampires.

  1. The thinker vampire- is the most predatorily effective bloodsucker. This is the completely coherent, calculating vampire, who preys on weakness (emotional or sexual) in order to accomplish his or her goal of draining you, only to make his or her victim feel as though its something they wanted all along.
  2. The ravenous “Zombie-Vampire”- one track minded blood thirsty monsters that have zero to no personality, and do more eating then actual “sucking.” They’re relentless, aggressive, and give little to no moment for preparation. They are malicious killers plain and simple, nothing to take lightly.
  3. The Sex idol vampire- this is quite possibly the worst thing that has happened to the vampire genre. Vampires are not disco balls; they explode or burn up in the sun. Vampires are not vegetarians, they manipulate you, fuck you up, and drink you DRY. Vampires do not fall in love with average girls who have an OPEN MOUTH issue. They don’t fall victim to dull plot lines, bad CGI, stupid monster designs, and poor dialogue (well maybe sometimes). Twilight and its various television counter parts, have given vampires a huge leap into the pits of junk entertainment, creating another genre that portrays MONSTERS as pathetic, soap opera driven teenagers with lip-gloss and glitter.

The average fan of Twilight, normally has a defense that continually has something to do with a reference to “you haven’t read” the books. These books are written for pre-teens, or tweens (ages 12-18) I HAVE NO BUSINESS READING THEM, and neither do men and women alike. Just because words like “Masochist” are thrown around the Novel, does not make it a good piece of literature, in fact, its complete shit.

Whatever happened to the ‘Lost Boys’ the original ‘Fright Night?’ or even 30 days of night? It’s as if these monumental films are nothing but a distant memory in an era of Suckers (the viewer). Instead of the greats we have True blood, a show that can be summarized basically by saying…”SEX!” Vampire Diaries, which is another boring plot line about forbidden love and vampires, shoot me. There are some hopefuls, such as Stake Land, which is more of a post apocalyptic movie then “vampire;” which is the latest attempt at breaking the mold in the ever growing bleak future of the Vampire Genre.

The point of this article is to optimistically reach readers who may potentially hate ever word I said, but at least give there curiosity a run for it’s money by checking out the following list of vampire films that may or may not have been exposed to an ever growing duped youth.

MUST SEE VAMPIRE FLICKS

Nosferatu: Eine Symphonie des Gravens (1922)

John Carpenter’s Vampires (1998)

Lost Boys (1987)

Interview with a Vampire (1994)

Dracula (1958)

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

Let the Right One In (2008)

30 Days of Night 2007

Fright Night 1985

Stakeland 2010

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